Philippians 4:4-7

The first three weeks after Adon was born were wonderful. He was nursing well, Grace was loving on him, there was tons of family around to visit with, etc. I felt so great I was walking every other day, enjoying the last of our nice Fall weather. I was so thankful for how many prayers God had answered positively concerning Adon. I remember telling Beej, “With every baby I just fall more in love with you”. And I was already daydreaming about more children, imagining myself loading them all into a large vehicle and driving them to the park.

Somewhere around week four the bubble burst. Adon was still eating every three hours around the clock. No long stretches for him at all, which meant the most sleep I’d gotten by then at one time was around 2 ½ hours. The lack of rest finally caught up with me, and I felt like I hit a wall. I made and broke plans all week because I was just too tired. My attitude plummeted. It wasn’t “oh Beej, I love you so much” anymore. It was more “how come you’re not reading my mind to help meet my needs”. Suddenly I was wondering if I was ever going to get any sleep or feel rested, and my thankful heart was long gone.

It is amazing to me how having a newborn (or any life changing event) can reveal weaknesses in my heart, my marriage, and the way I look to and think about the Lord. All that junk was already there, it just took a few sleepless weeks to draw it out. I did need rest—way more of it. But I needed Christ even more than I needed sleep.

Beej brought me a beautiful bunch of flowers, and we shifted gears. I pumped and Beej gave Adon a bottle for his midnight feeding. I let a few friends know that I desperately needed prayer. I got a little more sleep, and I memorized Philippians 4:4-7

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I needed rest that only Christ can give. I needed my mind to stop racing with all I "had to" get done. I needed to stop doing everything out of my own strength and lean on His. And you know what, I feel a whole lot better.

In other news…

We’ve begun reading Timothy Keller’s “The Meaning of Marriage”. Perfect timing considering everything I mentioned earlier don’t you think?! We’ve made it through chapter three and already there have been some good and difficult conversations. It’s really causing us both to think a lot and stirring up a desire to grow more. I am looking forward to making our way through the rest of the book together.

I also read a great article about grief which I recommend even if you haven’t lost someone yet. It’s helpful to know how to encourage those who have. And another about cultivating a restful, quiet heart which I found incredibly convicting! Check ‘em out and pass them on.

We’re having Grace’s party this Friday. Just a small, low-key family party with cupcakes and a little cake I whipped up. But the big surprise I’ve been working on is a play kitchen. I scored two beat up nightstands that have taken me forever to transform. I am just hoping to have enough time to get it done by Friday.

And that's it for today folks. Hope your Thursday is going well!

Psalm 116

I love when this happens, which hasn’t been very often—maybe a handful of times. The first time was when Beej and I were dating. We met up at the end of a long day, both ready to share a verse that God had used to really convict us each personally. It was Proverbs 3:5-6, the verse on my sidebar. We’d both read it that morning separately and felt God was saying it was especially for us in that season. I remember being amazed and so thankful for that confirmation.

So, I shouldn’t have been surprised last week when Beej sat down to share a verse with me that he thought was fitting for the season we’re in right now.

It’s Psalm 116 and what he didn’t know was that this verse is one I’ve read over and over since July. I already felt it was the verse for the season I was in personally, so I love that God also pressed this specific psalm on BJ’s heart as well.

Over the last several months, I’d focused on verses 5-7.

“Gracious is the Lord, and righteous, our God is merciful. The Lord preserves the simple; when I was brought low, he saved me. Return, o my soul, to your rest; for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.”

But I was struck again when BJ read this aloud by the verses that directly follow.

“For you have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling; I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living.”

When my grandma died in March, although I grieved for her, her death made me think more of my dad than ever before. It was like taking me back to the first few months after he passed away, and it was awful, all over again. I don’t think I have ever felt so low as I did in those first few months after she died. 

On top of that, I was busy growing a baby, and I couldn’t help but wonder at the fact that I was pregnant again and another loved one was gone. I felt tired, both physically and emotionally, and there seemed to be a giant to-do list running constantly through my head as we helped family and began busily anticipating and preparing for our little boy.

As usual, God is so good and patient with me. He really used this psalm to gently remind me of all there is to be thankful for. That I do indeed still walk in the “land of the living” and therefore need to celebrate being alive! He has indeed been my refuge, my comfort and at times my only joy in the midst of sorrow. 

I guess this is all to say that there are times when we all feel alone and overwhelmed with our circumstances. We feel like no one understands what we're going through or how much we have on our plates just getting through the day. If you have Christ though, you are NEVER ALONE. He goes before you in all things. He is worthy of all your love and trust. He orchestrates all things in your life for your good. We cannot always know how, but we can choose to trust in God and let His peace be what carries us through each day. 

I just want to encourage you to choose joy. Life is so short and time goes by quickly. So choose  to live with a joyful, thankful heart. Focus on what you have, the ones you love, others around you, and on the Lord, if you know Him.

Praying Psalm 68:19

Beej shared Psalm 68:19 with me the week before New Year's Day. When he started his bible reading plan this year, the first Psalm on the list was, you guessed it, Psalm 68. What a happy surprise.

"Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burdens; God is our salvation."

This is our family verse for this new year. Remember last year's? I think it's fitting. There are a whole lotta burdens I need to leave at God's feet this year. It's such a wonderful gift, this grace. To be able to lay down our weary load and take on freedom, lightness of heart, joy. I am asking the Lord bring that to our family in new ways this year!


Do you have a special verse that you're praying specifically for your family? May I encourage you to do so?

"How Few There Are Who Die So Hard"

I would beg you to listen to this message given by John Piper back in 2003 at one of Bethlehem's Conferences for Pastors. You could read it, but it would take awhile, and to hear it will bring more of the story to life. Even if you are not a Piper fan, as I am, I still encourage you to hear this wonderfully told biography of the life and legacy of Adoniram Judson, a missionary to Burma in the early 1800's. 


I have listened to his story upwards of 10 times and each and every time, without fail, find my heart quickening and myself choking back tears. Today, as I ran at the gym was no different. I literally found myself catching my breath as I listened to the details of his life unfold--and I've heard it before. He lived a good life, and more importantly, he lived a life unto the Lord. He suffered greatly and still believed in God. Oh that I would have his courage and even more necessary, his sense of purpose. 


Lord willing, if we have a son, we plan to use Adoniram for his middle name. We kicked around the idea of using it as a first name but that's a lot for a little kid to try and say. We'll see. Only the Lord knows just what children He has planned for us. 


So take an hour and listen to Adoniram's story. It will not be time wasted.

Zechariah 10:7

"...their hearts shall be glad as with wine. Their children shall see it and be glad; their hearts shall rejoice in the Lord."

It's this verse that BJ declared the "verse of 2010". Since the beginning of the year, he has been praying this over our family. It is written on a chalkboard that sits on a shelf in our living room, so I see it over and over throughout the day.

It's an excellent reminder to me that I am daily setting an example for Grace. Through easy and hard times, we are to take heart in the Lord. To take joy in Him. But in order for me to be an example of joy to Grace, I must first find my own joy in God. I think this is a good verse for the season of life we're in. I too have been praying for a "lighthearted" spirit. Yes, things happen, there are tough days, not all goes as expected, but God is always there. And He is always good.


Do you have any special verses you're praying for this year? Why those particular ones?

It's such an ugly word

envy.

1. a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.

2. an object of envious feeling: Her intelligence made her the envy of her classmates.

3. Obsolete. ill will.

*definitions from dictionary.com

Wow, that last one is definitely not pretty. When do I ever stop and consider that my envying someone else really means I am wishing them ill will?!

Well no one really likes to admit they are struggling with this particular sin, it is a subject worth discussing--which is what the writers over at girltalk have been doing. They're running a convicting and encouraging series right now all about envy--why it's wrong, why it hurts you, and how to get your eyes off your neighbor and back onto how good God is to you.

I have long been a fan of Carolyn Mahaney, and girltalk is the blog she co-authors with her three lovely daughters. It's a website I check in on regularly. I hope you find some encouragement there, as I have.

Check it out--> here

One of those nights...

A few of you have already heard this, so bear with me. I always admire C.J. Mahaney's attitude about sharing embarrassing stories in order to keep ourselves humble. It's a good practice.

Me: “It’s 11:05! I can’t believe it’s 11:05! Can you turn off that light?! Geez, it’s shining right in my face. I went to bed over 30 minutes ago, and I’m exhausted. PLEASE turn off the light.”

BJ: says nothing, turns off the extremely small book light he was using.

Kiss, kiss, goodnight.

NEXT MORNING

Me: “I’m sorry I was so upset about the light. Not the kindest way to say goodnight.”

BJ: “I forgive you, but you should know that the light was shining away from you and you woke yourself up snoring.”

Apparantly, I’d gone to sleep right after I climbed into bed, only to wake myself up 40 minutes later. Quite attractive, huh? The wife who wakes herself up snoring, only to blame her husband for it.

This is exactly why I memorized Proverbs 10:19 several weeks ago. “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent”(ESV). If only I'd kept my mouth shut the night before! I'm still working on this and am just thankful that it is through Christ's strength that I am able to change.

Psalm 40

I found these verses to be an encouragement this morning. With everything that has been going on, it is a joy to speak of how good the Lord has been through it all.

Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust... (v4)

You have multiplied, O LORD my God, your wonderous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! (v5)

I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart. (v8)

As for you, O LORD, you will not restrain your mercy from me; your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me! (v11)

Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me! O LORD, make haste to help me! (v13)

But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation say continually, "Great is the LORD!" (v16)

Believe!

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:13,14 NASB

How often have I come to this verse and been thankful for the hope it brings. 'God is good' my head says, but often my heart is overwhelmed and heading quickly in the direction of unbelief. Or other days, my head is saying the other and my heart is proclaiming the Lord's goodness. It is in the joining of the two that I can truly say, 'yes, I will wait, I will hope, I will see...' Put your hope in His word all you who are weary and heavy laden this day.